Tuesday, April 26, 2011

My Wedding Present Request

***Excessive use of the word DIARRHEA in the following post.  Run now, or forever hold your poop peace.

If someone could buy me stock in Pepto Bismol for my wedding, that would be great. Thanks.

 I have a feeling I'm going to be doing shots of it on my wedding day.

Hmmm, I wonder if you can mix it with Vodka.
A Peptini!

I'm kidding, sort of. Let me explain...when I'm nervous, excited, nervous about being excited. or just pretending to be ambivalent to the fact that I'm nervous or excited....I get diarrhea. Sometimes it's just soft poop...other times well...

Ok, not explosive, per se.....

It really sucks. And, the more I stress about it, the more likely it is to happen. It tends to rear it's putrid head when I travel or have a big event coming up.  It's got impeccable timing!

It's all anxiety derived...good or bad, I'm sure of it.  And needless to say, I am anticipating having to deal with it on my wedding day.


The funny thing is, I'm not nervous about marrying DG.  I'm not nervous to walk down the isle in front of my family and friends.  I'm also not nervous about any embarrassing toasts that may or may not happen. I'm just nervous about getting diarrhea.  And that in and of itself, will give it to me.

It's a BIG day, and thus quite a bit of anxiety goes along with it. Shit! (no pun intended) what if I'm getting ready and start having diarrhea...The make up dude & my hair girl are going to get a whiff! That would be soooooooo embarrassing. Plus I'm getting ready in a hotel room, it's not like I can blame it on anyone else in my family. "Damn Dad, must have snuck in here without us seeing!" Ahhh geez, I'm screwed.

You want to know the worst part, Pepto does not necessarily work for me in such cases. My bowels have a mind of their own. Thus, they like to say "eff you" to such drugs.


It's ok if you want to run and hide now.


Monday, April 18, 2011

My Boss Called Me A Slut.

Yup, that's right folks....my boss of 6 mos just called me a slut this morning. I kid you not. Dead serious.

It was around 10 am and she'd mosied on over to my area of the office to grab something from the printer. Her eyes wandered over to my lap top and immediately I hear her gasp...

"Are you cheating on Rob?!?

"No! .......not really," I replied with a look of guilt.

"Ahhh, YOU SSSSLLUT!" she squeeled... *emphasis on the S & the L!

Immediately I felt the need to explain myself. So, I educated her...

"You see, Rob is like an ENIGMA...something seraphic & beautiful, he needs to be appreciated from afar.  He's funny, adorkable and heartbreakingly gorgeous too, but I don't necessarily want to have sex with him. Plus, I respect Robsten too much... make sense?"

I think she got it.
Side note: Ok, I'm not saying I wouldn't have sex with Rob, but it's not my life goal or any such dream thing...

But I do want to have sex with HIM...sans the blood dripping down his chiseled chin.

                                                      My lap top wallpaper ;)

Mr. Eric Northman, aka Alexander Skarsgard. You my friend, are a sight to be seen. Gawd help your girlfriend (aka the Q Tip) if I ever get near you. In fact, I'd probably combust...in the nether regions of course, right before making an ass of myself.

Anyhoo, my boss cracked me up this morning with her nonchalant use of the word SLUT. Guess she's feeling comfortable around me. Not that she's ever bit her tongue before or anything. She pretty much rocks.

The End.


Sunday, April 17, 2011

I Made ASkars Cry.

Here's ASkars & gf Kate Bosworth at the Coachella music festival here in So Cal. Do you see Alex wiping his tears? It's because I wasn't there. I considered going for a half a second, mainly at the thought of running into that fine speciman of a man...but then I came back to reality and figured "she" would probably be with him. I don't get it?! She's ok....I LOVED her in Blue Crush, but ever since she just reminds me of a Q Tip.

                          He's crying...secretly wishing I'd made the journey to Coachella.

What is she wearing?!?


Friday, April 8, 2011

High On A Bagel.

I think I'm high on a bagel right now.  I didn't bring my lunch to work & didn't relish in the thought of buying it again.  I'm trying to be responsible with my $, come wedding and all.  So I walked over to Starbucks. Their assortment of food was pretty impressive, however nothing appealed to me. I know, you're probably thinking I wasn't really hungry. Trust me I was. I hadn't had anythingn but coffee, and it was 12PM.  As I was saying, nothing appealed to me until I saw an Asiago bagel staring back at me....oh good gawd it was love at first site.

Now, I'm not feelin' so great. Sure it was delicious, but it's 3pm and I'm starving of course. I also feel a bit loopy...a carb crash I guess.  My cramps also might be playing into my loopiness too. Hmm......

Have you ever had the Asiago bagel from Einsteins? They're much better than the one I had at Starbucks...My favorite is the Einstein Everything Bagel. That thing is an orgasm in your mouth. Trust.

Sadly, bagels are not great for you. Starbucks Asagio bagel is 310 calories, and Ensteins is 360. NOT a huge difference. However considering it's the only thing I have eaten today, I think I'm doing pretty good. Kidding people, kidding.

Off to find something else to stick in my mouth ;)

What's your favorite kind of bagel???


Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Cake or Cupcakes...Decisions, Decisions...

Cakes cool. Kind of. Ok fine, I haven't ever been a fan of cake. It's usually dry and somewhat less than thrilling. Cupcakes however tend to be moister.  Gah, I hate that word! MOIST *shivers*

When I asked one of my close girlfriends what she thought regarding a cake vs cupcakes for my wedding, she brought about a good point, or so I thought at the time. She said that you can eat cupcakes for any occasion, but how often do you get to have a wedding cake?  True. But how often do you get to have wedding cupcakes?  I get what she's saying. 

I don't want to be trendy, and I know wedding cupcakes are sort of a trendy thing to do these day.  But I like them.  I'm very particular though, on colors.  My overall color is dark purple, plum..whatever you want to call it. I HATE LAVENDER. HATE IT.  I don't really have a theme. Is this a bad thing?  Am I supposed to have a theme to my wedding? I don't like themes...that, or I'm truly just NOT creative.  I'm thinking purple Makora Orchids floating in clear vases for my centerpieces, however I don't want the overall theme to be tropical, JUST because I like purple orchids. Get my drift?

Anyhoo, I'm cake tasting at a place called Baby Cakes on Sat, so I assume I need to have a better idea of what it is I want, right?

Here are some pics I found on the internet...I don't LOVE them...but they're NICE. 

Why can't I find anything I love?!

Thoughts, advice, warnings? It's all appreciated!


Saturday, April 2, 2011

My Favorite TB Season 3 Clip, Cut Short.


I totally adore Pam & Sookie's short but sweet little interaction. 


Of course they leave off the good stuff, but any TB fan out there knows what was next. Hot damn.


Friday, April 1, 2011

No, Your Cat Isn't Crazy.

I'm sitting here crying because one of those damn Humane Society commericals just came on. I couldn't grab the remote fast enough and was subjected to images & videos of suffering animals.I don't fault the Humane Society for showing these commercials...however un pleasant, they know they're eliciting a gut-wrenching response from us.

These commercials not only sadden, but anger me. How could someone possibly mistreat an animal? They don't understand why they're being mistreated. I imagine it's confusing.  I think people that say animals don't have similar feelings to humans, are sorely mistaken. I'm not saying they sit there and contemplate their wardrobes, but I'm almost certain they feel abandonment, shame, hurt, loss & fear.

I have a cat named Jake, who I'm convinced is bipolar.  I "adopted" him when he was about 5-6 weeks old.

Jake vs Sista's hand.
He even looked like a shit then.

Jake is an interesting cat, to say the least.  I am told by many that I should write a book about him one day.  Every time I explain how crazy he is, I get response much like, "Oh, yah, my cat is crazy too."

NO, your cat isn't crazy. You haven't seen crazy till you have met Jake.

He was a spunky kitten. He was given dumped at the vet clinic where my Sis still currently works...the Pet Store that often had their kittens vaccinated by her clinic said he was the  runt, sick & not gaining any weight. Thus, they left him with the clinic. Maybe they considered him "unsellable?"  All it took was some regular feedings & IV fluid.  The little dude perked right up...and thus Sarah convinced me to adopt him. They'd actually named him Charlie. Keep in mind this is back in 03'.... prior to Twilight. I liked Charlie, still do, but he looked much more like a Jake to me.

Fast forward a year or so...he had always been more cuddly than I was used to in a cat, but also more aggressive.  He had a penchants for stalking me around the apartment.  I thought it was just his kitten phase. I bought him more toys, let him outside to burn off energy...all to no avail.  He slept in the crook of my arm, or across my neck (no doubt trying to suffocate me) at night.... And yet I'd be in the middle of getting ready for work, doing my hair and he'd latch on to my leg for no apparent reason. And he wouldn't just bite, he'd sink his teeth as if he was going for the bone. The older he got, the scarier it/he became.  I ended up having to get a tetanus shot and go on two rounds of antibiotics for his bites.  Why didn't I just get right of him?  Well....it was much like what I imagine an abusive relationship to be. He loved me, was affectionate...but would turn on me with no warning.  After turning on me, it's as if it never happened. He'd seek affection, almost as if apologizing for his outburst.

Once DG and I talked about moving in together, I was at my wits end with Jake. I didn't know how I was going to subject another individual to his madness....so I researched animal behaviorists. The first one I met with was afraid of him, said she'd never seen a cat stalk a human, & the second one I consulted with (via the humane society) said he probably had a screw loose & thus wasn't adoptable. I felt lost.  I loved that little fucker, but knew he wasn't safe.  Now I'm not a big supporter of medicating children, or animals for that matter...but it was finally suggested to me by my Sisters vet to try medicating him with something that is similar to a anti-depression drug for humans...This medicine is often used for dogs that act out and on cats that pee everywhere. I figured it was worth a try.

Fast forward 6 years and he's still on the meds. Sure, you still dont want to be the bearer of his "weird moods," but he doesn't all out attack me for no reason anymore...unless of course I antagonize him. He's also developed a very submissive relationship with DG.  DG being the dominator. He's not allowed in our room, mainly because DG is allergic...but DG adores him just as much as I do. And I thank gawd everday that DG was willing to put up with him, despite the circumstances.  I don't know if it's the combination of the meds & another male, but he's much more tolerable. 

Point of the story...I didn't give up on him...despite the fact I "used to be" more of a dog person.

Here are some pics of the BIG shit:

One of my favorite photos/quotes:

Side note: I love dogs....I just don't have one because I live in a condo and I don't feel I have the time to devote.  One day soon I hope!


Please donte if you can.