Tuesday, April 26, 2011

My Wedding Present Request

***Excessive use of the word DIARRHEA in the following post.  Run now, or forever hold your poop peace.

If someone could buy me stock in Pepto Bismol for my wedding, that would be great. Thanks.

 I have a feeling I'm going to be doing shots of it on my wedding day.

Hmmm, I wonder if you can mix it with Vodka.
A Peptini!

I'm kidding, sort of. Let me explain...when I'm nervous, excited, nervous about being excited. or just pretending to be ambivalent to the fact that I'm nervous or excited....I get diarrhea. Sometimes it's just soft poop...other times well...

Ok, not explosive, per se.....

It really sucks. And, the more I stress about it, the more likely it is to happen. It tends to rear it's putrid head when I travel or have a big event coming up.  It's got impeccable timing!

It's all anxiety derived...good or bad, I'm sure of it.  And needless to say, I am anticipating having to deal with it on my wedding day.


The funny thing is, I'm not nervous about marrying DG.  I'm not nervous to walk down the isle in front of my family and friends.  I'm also not nervous about any embarrassing toasts that may or may not happen. I'm just nervous about getting diarrhea.  And that in and of itself, will give it to me.

It's a BIG day, and thus quite a bit of anxiety goes along with it. Shit! (no pun intended) what if I'm getting ready and start having diarrhea...The make up dude & my hair girl are going to get a whiff! That would be soooooooo embarrassing. Plus I'm getting ready in a hotel room, it's not like I can blame it on anyone else in my family. "Damn Dad, must have snuck in here without us seeing!" Ahhh geez, I'm screwed.

You want to know the worst part, Pepto does not necessarily work for me in such cases. My bowels have a mind of their own. Thus, they like to say "eff you" to such drugs.


It's ok if you want to run and hide now.



  1. You have channeled JJ haven't you? How about a full colonic the day before your wedding? Depends? Drinking a lot on my wedding day worked well for me. :P

  2. You're going to have to constipated yourself...or eat nothing that day or the night before. Or, get your hair done on the crapper.
    Honestly, I'm no help. My sister is the same way and she managed to hold it in for both of her weddings. LOL!

  3. Mrs P- PMSL! Oh my...seriously, I could eat enough cheese to plug me up for a week, but that damn dia-poo-poo will find a way out! But maybe I'll have your Sister's luck...the no poo part.

    VR- Ummm it's the one thing I have always related to the most with JJ. Poop jokes kill me, and I have issues...very similar that way. I do plan to drink quite a bit ;)

    Thanks for the comments ladies.

    xo J

  4. I wouldn't eat anything particularly greasy for a few days before your wedding. That's a real shitty nervous tic, excuse the pun.

  5. I have the same issues when I get nervous or stressed (and that could literally be from anything that diverts my weekly schedule), I get an upset stomach, etc.

    I'm sure that's why people do shots, or take medication the day of. Just don't pull a "Jenny" from 16 Candles. If it were me, I'd be stoned. But I can't tell you to eat brownies hours before your big day. Try finding a way to work off the energy that morning. How about a long run? Exercise is the best way to alleviate stress and worry, which as you know, in turn is what's making your stomach churn. Plus it's your personality (like me, high strung, right?).

    Oh, and keep medication for your stomach handy (not just Pepto, Immodium is what you should be taking).

  6. I'm glad there is no such thing as TMI in our fandom. tee hee Seriously, I hope your big day is diarehha free.

  7. I think we're cut from the same cloth! I'm going to miss you in Forks this fall...