Nekkid

funny how he always find himself in these posts...

Ok, not nekkid like that...although I must commend him for his smokin' hot bod form.

I'm talking nekkid like this...

WAIT FOR IT......

no make-up / wet hair

Ok, not brutal, but certainly not walk out of the house ready.

 Geeez, why are us women so hard on ourselves?  I mean really, it's not terrible...ish.

I know everyone feels different about themselves, and it also depends on your age. Typically, the older you get, the harder it is to see yourself fresh out of the shower. Wait, I take that back...at least when pertaining to myself. I have ALWAYS been a bit hard on myself. But aren't we all?!

I don't wear tons of make up, but I also haven't ever been the type to go to work with just mascara or lip gloss. I tend to also have a bit of eye shadow and concealer to go along with.  Maybe it's because I have always been on stage, so to speak. Working at a Concierge desk in the past, I was the centerpiece of the lobby. Really. I had to look presentable.  Now, I work in a private office with one other person.  One would think I'd go to work sans make up. NOPE. There is always the chance I'll have to go meet a client unexpectedly.  It's not too often that it happens, but when it does I don't want to look blah.  Hmm, maybe I should start keeping a spare stash of make up at the office for such occasions? That way I can wear less make up during the day. Granted, I don't wear as much make up as some people...on a typical work day I wear a shear tinted spf lotion, bronzer or blush, eye shadow, mascara & gloss. It takes me all of 8 minutes.

When I really think about it, I'm more concerned with my hair. If my hair is done, I'll go run errands sans make up, or with just a hint of mascara...but if my hair isn't to my liking, I wont leave the house. I guess that's a different post. Why was I writing about make up again? Oh yeah, I was staring at myself in the mirror after my bubble bath with a scowl on my face ;)

All this said, I was originally going to get my make up done for the wedding by Brian Bond. He's done celebs such as Kendra Wilkinson & Kim Kardashian. Granted, he does do simple make up too. BUT now I'm afraid that I might still feel like it's too much.  I wonder if I'm just stressing unnecessarily?! I plan to do a trial, but the trial costs $95!  Wonder if it's worth it....

What's your take on make up? Hair? Do you beat yourself up? 

 Tell me, in the comments.

XOXO J

Dear Brain, YOU SUCK.

I just received a tweet from my Kiwi friend Amy, when something she said made me bring up ASkars(shock of all shocks.) It then hit me like a ton of shit bricks...I dreamed about him the other night. AGAIN! What is this? #4?!  Looking back, I remember waking up to pee and stumbling to the bathroom...As I started to pee, I realized I'd been dreaming about ASkars. Of couse an immense smile spread  across my half awake self.  Though I felt a bit foggy, I made a conscious effort to remember it. You know how it goes; you wake up from an awesome dream only to go back to sleep and forget the entire thing. FML!  I wasn't going to let that happen I said to myselfl, I was going to consciously remember every last detail so I could replay it here in all it's sex gawd glory....Did that happen? NOPE!

Dear Brain, YOU SUCK! All I can remember at this point is that it was Alexanader Skarsgard that I was interacting with. In previous dreams it's been a mix of him & Eric Northman. This time it was pure Swedish  actor delight...and, we were getting along fabulously. Unlike the akwardness that prevailed in others before. It's good to know our relationship is getting better..........


......in my dreams.

This could be me.

 Except I don't resemble Lady Ga Ga.

I'm wondering if my increase in drinking has anything to do with my SUCKY brain? Sure I'm consuming about 2-3-4 glasses of wine per night, whereas before I was at about 2....I think it's just the stress from work and the impending nuptials (mine) that have me a little on edge.

 

Would you believe me if I said this magnet was on my fridge?



What's sort of interesting is that I used to drink more beer than I did wine. However though the last year or so I have progressed to predominantly wine. Yay wine! I don't know, I still really love the taste of beer, more than wine sometimes, but it just makes me so bloated!

Do you ever make a conscious effort to remember a particular dream?

Do you like wine? Does beer make ya bloated?

Tell me in the comments!

XO J

I Just Hit The Jackspot

If you're anything like me, you go through these random phases of exploring YouTube. You know how it is, one search leads to another search which leads you to a documentary about deworming kids in Somalia [points if you can tell me what movie that's from.]

Anyhoo I occasionally get this urge to search for TV show's I used to watch. My Sister and I went on this rampage one time of emailing each other old TV shows and raving about how the music or characters brought us straight back to childhood. It was all very nostalgic.

For the first time tonight I decided to search for Baywatch & I hit the jackpot...all seasons and episodes appeared to be at my fingertips! I cannot believe I'd never thought to. Laugh as you may, but I was obsessed. Being from Southern California & practically growing up in the ocean, it's not surprising that I took a stalker like obsession liking to the show. YES, I knew it was unrealistic. Hello, 1/2 the female life guards in San Diego at the time had tits the size of a 3 year old and were probably quite content diving for clams, if you get my drift.

Umm Pam, how come there's a giant space between your boobs?

This isn't to say that their weren't any hot female or male lifeguards, but they were far and few between. AND, it's a lot more work than Baywatch depicted. Even the simplist of minds could see that... From my Baywatch obsession came my desire to be a lifeguard...or so I thought. I took 2 Summers of Junior Lifeguards and decided it wasn't for me. I was already a competitive swimmer, & doing both simultaneously burned me out....plus I have always been content with mediocrity. Take that with that a grain of salt ;)

Anyways, through my Baywatch obsession, came this fascination with Pamela Anderson. Don't ask. This lead to my Mom & Dad telling me, one Summer in 94' (I was 14), that Baywatch was going to be filming in San Diego at the Hotel Del Coronado. Being AVID supporters of their daughters random obsessions, they offerred to drive me down there to watch. I was beside myself with excitement. It was actually a really cool experience. I got to hang out and watch them film quite a few scenes. I even got to meet David Charvet, whom I was also quite enamoured with as well. To this day, I still have his autograph. I think I ripped the page out of "Bop" magazine....classy.

This is close to the pic I had him sign. LMAO!

He got hotter as he matured. For sure!

Now he's married to Brooke Burke. Butttt...I think his hair is thinning and he's had too much sun.

Wow time flies. Guess what I'll be doing the rest of the evening.....yup, I foresee a marathon of Baywatch episodes courtesy of YouTube. Cheers!

Mother Effer won't imbed.......so here's the link of my favorite season if you're curious.....

XO J

My Wedding Present Request

***Excessive use of the word DIARRHEA in the following post.  Run now, or forever hold your poop peace.



If someone could buy me stock in Pepto Bismol for my wedding, that would be great. Thanks.

 I have a feeling I'm going to be doing shots of it on my wedding day.

Hmmm, I wonder if you can mix it with Vodka.
A Peptini!



I'm kidding, sort of. Let me explain...when I'm nervous, excited, nervous about being excited. or just pretending to be ambivalent to the fact that I'm nervous or excited....I get diarrhea. Sometimes it's just soft poop...other times well...



Ok, not explosive, per se.....

It really sucks. And, the more I stress about it, the more likely it is to happen. It tends to rear it's putrid head when I travel or have a big event coming up.  It's got impeccable timing!



It's all anxiety derived...good or bad, I'm sure of it.  And needless to say, I am anticipating having to deal with it on my wedding day.

FABULOUS!

The funny thing is, I'm not nervous about marrying DG.  I'm not nervous to walk down the isle in front of my family and friends.  I'm also not nervous about any embarrassing toasts that may or may not happen. I'm just nervous about getting diarrhea.  And that in and of itself, will give it to me.

It's a BIG day, and thus quite a bit of anxiety goes along with it. Shit! (no pun intended) what if I'm getting ready and start having diarrhea...The make up dude & my hair girl are going to get a whiff! That would be soooooooo embarrassing. Plus I'm getting ready in a hotel room, it's not like I can blame it on anyone else in my family. "Damn Dad, must have snuck in here without us seeing!" Ahhh geez, I'm screwed.

You want to know the worst part, Pepto does not necessarily work for me in such cases. My bowels have a mind of their own. Thus, they like to say "eff you" to such drugs.

Advice?

It's ok if you want to run and hide now.

XOXO J



My Boss Called Me A Slut.

Yup, that's right folks....my boss of 6 mos just called me a slut this morning. I kid you not. Dead serious.

It was around 10 am and she'd mosied on over to my area of the office to grab something from the printer. Her eyes wandered over to my lap top and immediately I hear her gasp...


"Are you cheating on Rob?!?


"No! .......not really," I replied with a look of guilt.


"Ahhh, YOU SSSSLLUT!" she squeeled... *emphasis on the S & the L!


Immediately I felt the need to explain myself. So, I educated her...

"You see, Rob is like an ENIGMA...something seraphic & beautiful, he needs to be appreciated from afar.  He's funny, adorkable and heartbreakingly gorgeous too, but I don't necessarily want to have sex with him. Plus, I respect Robsten too much... make sense?"

I think she got it.
Side note: Ok, I'm not saying I wouldn't have sex with Rob, but it's not my life goal or any such dream thing...


But I do want to have sex with HIM...sans the blood dripping down his chiseled chin.

                                                      My lap top wallpaper ;)



Mr. Eric Northman, aka Alexander Skarsgard. You my friend, are a sight to be seen. Gawd help your girlfriend (aka the Q Tip) if I ever get near you. In fact, I'd probably combust...in the nether regions of course, right before making an ass of myself.

Anyhoo, my boss cracked me up this morning with her nonchalant use of the word SLUT. Guess she's feeling comfortable around me. Not that she's ever bit her tongue before or anything. She pretty much rocks.

The End.

XOXO J

I Made ASkars Cry.

Here's ASkars & gf Kate Bosworth at the Coachella music festival here in So Cal. Do you see Alex wiping his tears? It's because I wasn't there. I considered going for a half a second, mainly at the thought of running into that fine speciman of a man...but then I came back to reality and figured "she" would probably be with him. I don't get it?! She's ok....I LOVED her in Blue Crush, but ever since she just reminds me of a Q Tip.

                          He's crying...secretly wishing I'd made the journey to Coachella.

What is she wearing?!?

XO J

High On A Bagel.

I think I'm high on a bagel right now.  I didn't bring my lunch to work & didn't relish in the thought of buying it again.  I'm trying to be responsible with my $, come wedding and all.  So I walked over to Starbucks. Their assortment of food was pretty impressive, however nothing appealed to me. I know, you're probably thinking I wasn't really hungry. Trust me I was. I hadn't had anythingn but coffee, and it was 12PM.  As I was saying, nothing appealed to me until I saw an Asiago bagel staring back at me....oh good gawd it was love at first site.

Now, I'm not feelin' so great. Sure it was delicious, but it's 3pm and I'm starving of course. I also feel a bit loopy...a carb crash I guess.  My cramps also might be playing into my loopiness too. Hmm......

Have you ever had the Asiago bagel from Einsteins? They're much better than the one I had at Starbucks...My favorite is the Einstein Everything Bagel. That thing is an orgasm in your mouth. Trust.

Sadly, bagels are not great for you. Starbucks Asagio bagel is 310 calories, and Ensteins is 360. NOT a huge difference. However considering it's the only thing I have eaten today, I think I'm doing pretty good. Kidding people, kidding.

Off to find something else to stick in my mouth ;)

What's your favorite kind of bagel???

XO J